Pop! Inspired

The Best of Spencer’s interview with Heidi in Playboy

Posted on: August 14, 2009

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From Playboy.com

Out of morbid curiosity and a love to mock the infamous couple from The Hills, I read Spencer Pratt’s interview with wife Heidi in Playboy from here.

I barely survived. Like them, it’s terrible. Worse than terrible. Grab the barf bag.

For those who can’t sneak a peak at work because of the obviously NSFW URL, here are the best bits. Sorry, no pictures – this is a family blog! But there are plenty of gross mental images via the grusome twosome’s words below.

SPENCER: You’re a rock star, Heidi. Don’t forget that. We made our music video [for the song “BlackOut”] on the beach for about a dollar this year, and it went to number six on iTunes in the U.S. and number one in Canada. [fist bumps] That’s money in your pocket! Dollar for dollar, I bet you made more than Lady GaGa this year even though she has a number one record.

Umm, okay.

SPENCER: Honestly, I think the reality was it wasn’t even sex. It was just fooling around. Maybe we should do a sex tape.
HEIDI: No way. I’ve never watched porn in my life. I’m not going to start making it.
SPENCER: You’re right. Plus who needs a sex tape when we have a live feed to our 70-inch HD screen in the bedroom and all those mirrors. It would be like Tiger Woods watching his swing. Life with you is like 24/7 porn but without the obnoxious charges.

The mental image in my head…GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT NOW!

HEIDI: Can you please stop Twittering?
SPENCER: All good, all good! [continues to Twitter]

Yes, stop Twittering.

Heidi: You know, I was never very sexual before I met you, Spencer. I knew what sex was, but when I met you I entered into a whole new realm of understanding, from fantasy to love.Or to experience a day with 20 or 30 orgasms.

TMI!!!! GET ME OUT OF THIS HELLL!!!!

HEIDI: Like I said, it makes me happy to see you happy. Like when we do it in the car.
SPENCER: Or on the plane on New Year’s Eve. How about that, when I initiated you into the Mile High Club? Holy shit!

(vomit break)

HEIDI: If it weren’t for you—and Jesus—I wouldn’t have made it through alive.
SPENCER: That’s because you’re the sexiest, most natural thing in the jungle.
HEIDI: It was definitely an Adam and Eve situation.
SPENCER: I thought it was going to be like a hotel in the jungle, but it was more like Lost without the Others. The worst part for me was that hooking up was a physical impossibility. That was the main reason I had to get out of there. There was no place we could go to get our jungle love on, and I wasn’t about to do it on TV because they’d have to pay us a lot more to show that.

(vomit break)

HEIDI: Well, when I was shopping for my boobs, I wanted the best, so I sat down and flipped through a bunch of Playboys. The women are so hot— Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, Marilyn Monroe, all the Playmates. So iconic.

HEIDI: Well, I’m sure as I get older I’ll need some touch-ups. I’m definitely not done with my surgical quest. I think I want to go
bigger on my boobs for you.
SPENCER: Awesome. How big?
HEIDI: Triple X.

I’ve gone blind.

The Hills are Alive [Playboy]

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